In the beginning of our relationships, there is that strong element of attraction and excitement. You’re excited about life together. You can’t wait to be alone with him/her. You constantly come up with creative ideas for dates. You take them to interesting places and have energising conversations. You don’t judge them and genuinely want to impress them at every step of the way. And as you gravitate more and more towards each other, you put in all the effort you need in order to completely win them over.
However, as life happens a lot of people find themselves in a situation where the passion fades away. You gradually start to lose “the spark”.
It does not have to be this way.
You can work on your passion and attraction throughout your relationship and at various stages of your life, as long as the foundation is right. No matter how many problems arise or what life throws at you, you should always strive to reignite your passion.
Reigniting your passion
Spending time together is not only nice, it is also important. You should plan those romantic dates and trips away just for the both of you. You should treat yourselves to nice experiences together. This is especially important if/when you have kids who demand your attention, which ultimately leads to less time for you and your partner. Allow yourselves a chance to be playful, romantic and “sexy” with one another.
We recently came back from a trip to Paris over the Christmas and New Year (separate blog post), thanks to my parents-in-law who kindly offered to look after the kids. Knowing how busy we are in our day to day lives with the kids, it was truly important for David and I to take some time away and focus solely on enjoying each other’s company.
A passionate relationship is not something you magically find
It is NOT something reserved for a few special individuals . A passionate relationship is something you create. It requires work.
Your passion will go up and down. There will be situations in life where you or your partner might be under severe pressure at work or stressed about an extended family situation. This can have a direct effect on the level of passion you are currently experiencing in your relationship. As a result, it can decline slightly. That is perfectly acceptable. Do not fail to recognise this and do not give in to this decline!
Learning to read your partner well is a skill you should master. And when you observe that something is going wrong, do not be afraid to take action.
Love is a battlefield someone once said: and all battles require strategy.
Distance is also needed
In a poem my mother-in-law read to us on our wedding day, this line stuck with me the most:
“Closeness and distance, is the key to the dance of coexistence.”
Many people lose themselves in their partners. They get too close, they rely too much on another person. We all want a deep connection and intimacy in our lives, but being too close does not allow your partner a chance to simply miss you. This is not only about physical closeness. Having different hobbies, careers, friends – are important. You are still two very different human beings.
A Nobel laureate writer, Wislawa Szymborska, explained this perfectly in one of her famous poems:
“I am too close,
too close for him to dream about me (…)
Too close for me to enter as a guest
before whom the walls part (…)
I am too close to fall out of the sky for him.”
The poem above inarguably applies to men as well.
If you want to be more passionate as a couple, you should start first with working on yourself
Are you the best version of yourself? Are you a likeable person your partner enjoys having around?
You need to be happy with yourself in order to give happiness to others. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Working on yourself individually and constantly improving should be something you do throughout your life, regardless of whether you are in a relationship or not.
HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY.
Lots of love,